Hype. Buzz. Tension. Anticipation.

A wise man once said, "Better than the deed, better than the memory, the moment....of anticipation."

I'm sitting in my seat waiting to see Spiderman as I write this, and the excitement in the air is palpable. These people cannot wait to see this movie, and neither can I. This is the best time of all, when you think of all the wonderful possibilities that could be on the screen in just a few more minutes. When we were in line, I was reminded of the Cosplay at Project A-kon. I remember hanging out with Brad DeMoss for three hours a few years ago, and it was one of the best times I'd ever had. Then in later years, we'd wait in line even longer to guarantee good seats. In most situations, you'd be bored waiting in line for several hours, but at a convention, the difference is astounding. Emotions are high, people are having a good time, chatting with their friends, ready to experience the show.

Yes, at the convention, you will often find yourself waiting, whether in line, or in your seats. But don't think of it as down time to be antisocial and withdraw into your personal space and be bored. Take some time to meet the person next to you. He or she might be a member of the Uni-Force (inside joke). Enjoy the anticipation, because that is the best moment of all.

Excuse me--my movie's starting....

(insert usual begging for submissions for next time here)

Enjoy the issue!

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WE WANT A REFUND

Story by Throkda Jones
Artwork by Hotwire

by Melissa (ghost-written by Deanna Baron)

Waiii, I'm back! I wasn't here last month, 'cause I had school, but now I'm on summer vacation, and the thing that I'm reviewing takes place over a school vacation, too, except it's winter break, not summer break. I watched the Cardcaptor Sakura movie, and so that's what I'm going to tell you all about!

So, anyhow, Sakura goes to a stationery store to buy a notebook, and ends up winning a trip to Hong Kong. Wow, I wish that kind of stuff happened to me when *I* buy school supplies! Still, it wasn't entirely by accident. So she, Kero-chan (the Clow Card Guardian), and Tomoyo (her friend with a videocamera), and Toya (her big brother), and Yukito (her crush) all end up going to Hong Kong, which just-so-happens to be where Shaolin and Meilin live. So everyone meets up and they have an adventure with this one freaky woman named Madoushi who's been haunting Sakura's dreams.

So since it was just a movie, I couldn't tell much about the plot past that without going into spoiler territory. I was pretty disappointed, though, that Yue (a spoiler character) and Ruby Moon (another spoiler character) and Spinel Sun (another spoiler character) didn't get to make it into the movie. Poo, poo, poo. It would have been a perfect place for them to crop up, especially given the fact that Hong Kong is Clow Reed's (spoiler character!) old stomping grounds! Heck, I would have liked it if Yukito and Toya had more screentime. Or even Li. Or Li's Mom was pretty cool, too. But most of the movie was dedicated to Sakura, of course, with generous helpings of Tomoyo and Kero-chan.

The visuals were pretty nice, of course, but the standards for the Cardcaptor Sakura TV series is also up there, given that it's old-school cel animated, as opposed to the digital ink and paint we're getting spoiled with. The Japanese cast was really cool, although Tomoyo's wispy high-pitched voice takes some getting used to. Yukito is voiced by Megumi Ogata, and you certainly can't go wrong with *her*… *drool*… too bad they didn't give her more lines… Yukito… *drool some more*

I was watching the widescreen uncut DVD version, which came with a cool mini-pencilboard.

by Kyle

Sentai Shows -- Make the Hurting Stop!

I said I wouldn't talk about it but recently I saw the straw that broke the camel's back: Sentai in a written work of Rumiko Takahashi. Will the madness never end??

Okay, enough of a visit to the otaku (shudder) portion of my mind. Sentai is the term used for a group of heros or villains with similarly themed costumes, powers, and sometimes names. Of course everyone here knows about the evil Saban brought in and foisted upon American culture known as Power Rangers (kill it, kill it, kill it nowwww)over a decade ago. As funny as the various Ben Dunn rip offs of them are (Zetamen anyone) it can be annoying in anime to start bringing in a string of one or two shot antagonists each episode or to start a group villain series for filler episodes in-between points in the plot. For arguments sake I'll try to briefly list a few -- TV only (with one exception).

The Ginyu Force:

It always involves Dragonball Z at some point, eh folks? Fortunately for us, Akira was only using this collection of posers to poke fun at the prevalent Sentai series back in the 80s, always striking ridiculous poses or making bets against one another. This was a classic spoof on the Sentai team, right down to the matching uniforms and emblems; even personalities with the tough-as-nails leader, the pretty boy, the greedy sarcastic nut, the slow-witted brawler, and the smart wuss. As with the vast majority of Sentai teams in a non-Sentai anime the Ginyu Force quickly dropped like flies, or in the leader's case developed a taste for them.

Daimanjin:

This was something that everyone could see happening eventually -- Sentai in Excel Saga. In a show that tears apart every genre in anime, you knew this one was coming. The F City, F Province Safety Committee consisting of three former ronin dead-beats, two android bomb squad units, and one fan service red head (who will calmly threaten any whose eyes linger anywhere other than her face). This group, once suited up (whether willingfully or not) can only remove their loud outfits upon committing 10 good deeds in their group (so no splitting up to cover more ground). This group to my knowledge was only a two-shot affair (in anime, Koishi Ridudo supposedly did them as a seperate Manga before Excel), once as the main focus for an episode, then again as background.

The Anten Seven:

This cadre of elite assassins is best noted for: one being a survivor that doesn't want revenge (just retirement), one that was the first love interest of a main character (neither knew they where just trying to kill each other a day ago), and one whose bloody past involved one of the main characters. This was what one would call ragtag sentai, or in other words, the eccentric elites of the main villain. These guys would want to follow their own agenda -- even delay missions at times for whatever reason. Ya can't argue that anyone of them was an easy win, though.

The Gung-ho Guns:

This group of sociopaths follows a genocidal maniac with power levels common only to Dragonball Z. Each member is willing to go to whatever lengths necessary to finish the job, even though two members of this gang didn't have much of a choice in the matter. These maniacs would kill any who stepped in their way, whether an orphanage full of kids, people on the streets, or other members who had failed in their mission. Every one of them is a slaughter machine in their own way or form. In Trigun's world of Gunsmoke they're close to the top of the food chain.

The Justice Squad:

Come on! The name's the corniest since Sir Jeoffry's Fabulous Flaming Knights or the Raging Dragon Macho Men! Five senile geriatric geezers who love to play soldiers of justice with hired (by them) villains, and any whom they think sounds evil enough. This is a club at one region's retirement village. Haven't these people ever heard of a bridge club? Another great parody by the Slayers writers to poke fun at a genre / industry, this time showing how old and dilaphidated it's becoming.

The Seven Lucky Gods:

Although this group is a movie-only creation it's as close as we'll ever see to Rumi's take on Sentai, at least until Inu-yasha is finished being animated. Among this group you have one pompous magical prince (aren't they all), an obnoxious shrimp, two Cobra twin wannabe's, a slow witted tank, one femme fatale, and a traditional Japanese spear man. These pickle munchers, as usual for one-shot Ranma characters, were good fighters, but extremely one-dimensional.

I would love to go on to Shishi-oh's men, but I haven't seen that far into Kenshin. I also don't want to spoil the Shichinin-tai; besides, I've only read summaries of that part of the Inuyasha manga (which hasn't been animated yet -- well, that part, anyway). True there are many stand-alone sentai anime -- Sailor Moon and Gatchaman to name two -- but when injecting into a non-Sentai series, you just know it's filling till the next big plot point.

I only have one good thing to say here -- thank you for not bringing in dorky, individually-colored gestalt combiners....oh no! I jinxed the industry....damn it all to hell, and damn Saban for bringing this accursed genre / industry to America. It still haunts us after almost a decade and a half with its infernal spinoffs...make it stop...make it stop.

Memories of A-kons Past

by Qeorita

A-kon IX

My very first A-kon. The only person I know is Throkda, only having met the Austin group the night before at the Pre-Kon Bash. I was a little nervous and shy. The main theme that year was some guy in Austin being obsessed with sex with goats. Well, as luck would have it, there was a guy dressed in a big furry dog-like costume. OF COURSE Throkda had to do a report on the "Rise of Bestiality in the Anime Heretics!" My job? Stand in the background and love on the beast. How embarrassing, but I guess a little funny at the same time.

This was also the year we made Brad DeMoss famous by voting for "Steam" in the fan music video contest, or was it the interview we got with him when he won? An of course, the major highlight of the Kon was when Steve Bennett said that we rock!

A-kon X

The year of DA BAR!! Although it got shut down by the hotel security because of noise complaints. Stupid hotel for booking non-kon guests on OUR so-called party floor! In line for the cosplay, I caused a buying frenzy for Brad DeMoss' next video in the collection, causing him to say, "Fuck it, I'll just run upstairs and get everything I've got."

This was also the year that I started buying anime keychains to wear in my hair. It turns out I started a bit of a trend, because the next day, I saw a few other people doing the same thing. Steve Bennett also officially says, "Anime Heretics rock!"

A-kon 2K

The year of the Anime Heretics P.J. party. Only 1 person shows up in PJs. I drank until I got violently ill. No more Gold Schlager for me EVER! Throkda shut down the room party after several visits from Kon AND hotel security. Again, we were SUPPOSED to be on a party floor. We were on a quiet floor. Dumbass hotel.

While I was in the room sleeping it off, Throkda & the rest of the gang get into the celebrity party in the Ultra Lounge. He got lots of neat interviews & celebrity endorsements. The last day of the Kon, the Anime Heretics, along with other club founders / presidents, took over the fan club panel, because whomever was supposed to host it didn't show up. So Throkda took it over. As we were leaving the panel, we got a very hung-over Steve Bennett to give us one more endorsement.

A-kon XII

The Kon at 2 Hotels? Didn't work out so well, but at least we had the dealer room. Walking back & forth between hotels wasn't really all that fun, especially because of the heat, but it was a necessary evil. The Heretics room party tradition was carried on by Danny & Eric. The party got shut down by security. Will we ever have a successful party?

I got to have a special sneak peek into Kon Ops when Doc Fraga had to tend to my ankle. Problems at the dance, the case of the missing potted plant, & Kon crashers were just a few of the problems the staff was dealing with when I was in there. The last day of the Kon was a panel on how to promote your fan club, which Throkda was always looking for new ideas on. It turns out it was directed toward COLLEGE clubs. When the guy found out we were independent & that we heckled, he pretty much ignored us for the rest of the panel, even though we made up 2/3 of the audience! [and we've been thriving for over 5 years! -- ed.] Bummer. We left the Kon, came home, and had a party by showing off all the neat goodies we got in the dealer room.

A-kon has its ups and downs, but I have a good time every year, and as long as they hold it every year, I'll be back again and again.

And now for Something a Little Different

Contributed by: Daniel Snyder, Angry Young Paleontologist
mew3point14@doramail.com
Lost in space? Looking to quell your ennui? Nakayoshi no Sataraito:
http://home.doramail.com/mew3point14/nns.html

AKUMA NO JISHOU

Glossary of Commonly Encountered Words and Phrases

Air

(n.) 1. The gas we all breathe. 70% nitrogen, 30% oxygen. 2. The movie we all saw. 70% something awful happening involving blood, 30% too much or too many of Rei.

Alpha

(n.) The Beginning. The source of all. Words that should come before alpha in this glossary do not exist. (this message has been brought to you by the Kansas State Department of Education)

Angel

(n.) From the Greek angelos, meaning messenger. One of the intermediaries between man and God in Christian theology. Finding the Western concept of a monotheistic religion "interesting, but not marketable", the Japanese have wisely substituted big scary monsters in their place.

Angst

(n.) A feeling of alienation or separation from society. This is a common theme in Evangelion, a series drawn by a team of overworked and underpaid artists and directed by a circle of sociopathic pop culture addicts.

Anno

(n.) 1. -- Hideaki, the man responsible for filling the airwaves with Evangelion. 2. Spanish word for "anus", the body part responsible for filling the air with methane.

Baka

(n.) 1. The insult used by Asuka. 2. The noise made by a chicken. In the former case it means "idiot", and it may in the latter. (see BIRD)

Bath

(n.) A pool of warm water which can be amalgamated with such contaminants as beer, feathers, and other less savory ingredients.

Be-Papas

(v.) To transform into spuds.

Beer

(n.) An ethanol-rich fermented yeast drink. When applied properly to the central nervous system, beer can make one focus all thoughts on ways to kill a 60-meter-tall avatar of divine will. Try it some time, you'll see. (see ANGEL)

Bird

(n.) The next stage in dinosaur evolution. Dinosaurs, which ruled the Earth for 180 million years, became the majestic animals poets and philosophers have praised since the dawn of civilization. Humans, which polluted the Earth in a matter of 300 years, became syrup. Kyrie elesion. (see EVOLUTION; LCL)

Breast

(n.) Also boob, hooter, mammary, tit, udder, and many others. The secondary sexual characteristic of a female mammal that allows for lactation and feeding of the infant. There is a stereotype that Asian females have smaller, more pouting boulders than females of other races. This is quite obviously not true. Beginning at the age of nine, Japanese women grow pontoons like crazy until, by the time they are physically mature at the age of 16, their jungle drums are only slightly smaller than their own heads. Furthermore, putting on tight-fitting clothes only causes their jugs to swell. How these women are able to support their own chests, especially with such slender waists, is not for the lexicographer to conjecture. (see GAINAX; PENIS)

Browning, Robert

(v.) Cooking Bobby until medium well-done. Not to be confused with Robert Burns.

Cicada

(n.) One of the symbols of summertime weather in Japan, now an omnipresent noisemaker in anime and manga. It goes "Cheap, cheap" or "Mean, mean". What it is implying by this is up for debate.

Computer

(n.) A machine capable of receiving numbers, adding them, and outputting the sum. The three computers called the MAGI were designed to reflect the shattered psyche of a suicidal genius unable to effectively reach out to her daughter or her lover, and instead murdered the only person in memory that was honest and forthright with her. They prove the phrase, "Garbage In, Garbage Out."

Cross

(n.) Once the proud symbol of NTT's plan to stretch telephone lines all across Japan, this shape has now been relegated to senseless eye candy and service as a celestial coathanger. Crosses are supposed to keep vampires at bay. Notice how much luck Hyuuga Makoto has with Katsuragi Misato.

Cry, to

(v.) A physiological response to stress. A whine or cry is produced at the same time that the body itself contorts into a seizure-like paralysis. The most outstanding feature of crying is the production of tears. Tears are watery emanations from the so-called "tear ducts" of the eye. They are rich in salts, but (more interestingly) in endorphins, the body's natural painkillers. It is thought by some that the reabsorption of these endorphins represents the body's attempt to relieve physical pain in place of the emotional turmoil inside. Others maintain that they are preventative against pain from being whacked in the back of the head, with no warning other than, "Anta baka! Don't be such a baby!" (see BAKA)

Dame desu yo!

(phr.) A Japanese phrase translating as "It's no good" or "It's not working". Generally used by Ibuki Maya, where it can also be translated as "Let's see what the fucking robot pulls out of its ass this time." (see EVANGELION; ROBOT)

Dirac, C.

(n.) French scientist and philosopher who concluded that the gravitational constant is weakening. Over long periods of time, massive bodies (such as the Earth) will become less and less dense. Dirac is the opposite of a hard place.

Doctor

(n.) Translation of the Japanese honorific "hakesei" or "sensei". In Japan, to have earned this honorific you must:

1. be too young or too old for your level of intelligence.
2. be able to spout diagnoses or psychobabble clearly and with a straight face.
3. be able to explain why your crazy-ass solution (or someone else's) worked, but not why it was between 19 and 28 minutes into the episode before anyone thought about it.
4. be able to put on a lab coat properly.

Contrast with PROFESSOR

Dogma

(n.) A central belief, beliefs or assumptions taken for granted and not questioned within a particular institution. The members of NERV never question that they must fight the divine fates that have arisen from mankind's imperfect actions. Their dogma, therefore, chases karmas.

Educate, to

(v.) To prattle on about something to the stultification of your audience. Education does not seem to take place at the Ohtori Academy, apart from generating love interests for the main characters and providing the occasional plot device. Perhaps this is also why life at Ohtori never seems to be boring.

Evangelion

(n.) A nonsense word that translates as "the condition of bringing the good word of God to the heathen". Something is lost in the translation, figuratively and literally. Confusion rages as to whether the stresses are on the 2nd and 4th syllables, or on the 3rd and 5th. The Superior Person will tactfully force their fellow fans to pronounce it first, and then correct them with the other pronunciation. This will leave you with fewer friends, and you can watch your tapes in peace and quiet.

Evolution

(n.) Change through time. Scientists observe that there is no "direction" to evolution, and that random mutations are acted upon by natural selection without prejudice. Now that civilization has replaced the jungle, natural selection does not weed out deleterious mutations. Over the next few centuries, we can expect mankind to become more and more random and mutated. Thus, the End of Evangelion can be seen as the forerunner of mankind's future. (compare with REVOLUTION)

Extinction

(n.) The obliteration of a form of life. The evolution of one form of life into another, different in the geological record, constitutes a common type of extinction. The adoption by a species of conservative political policies, retro fashions, advertising as social outreach and the public performance of "gangsta" rap constitutes another. This long-standing scientific hypothesis was demonstrated recently by the discovery of a Tyrannosaurus wearing platform shoes and bell-bottoms. Write your representative!

Fatality

(n.) When another person stops living. Fatalities only happen to little, unimportant people. Note that living is sometimes the less merciful option. Fatalities happen in tremendous numbers in Evangelion. However, the social ramifications of this widespread loss of life is not explored in depth, for some reason. (see BREAST)

Father

(n.) The penis that engendered you and the prick that hasn't been around since. (contrast with MOTHER)

Field

(n.) A place where sports are played. Absolute Terror Field: wherever Manchester United are playing.

Fly Me to the Moon

(phr.) And let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars. In other words, hold my hand. In other words, darling, kiss me. Fill my heart with song and let me sing forevermore. You are all I long for, all I worship and adore. In other words, please be true. In other words, I love you. (repeat)

Futile

(adj.) Yielding no result no matter how much effort is expended, such as why playing "gangsta" rap at volumes loud enough to deafen people blocks away is a practical way to attract female affection. (see VAGINA) Humans have wondered since time immemorial about whether life is worth living, or if all of their efforts to make a difference in the world--and hence validate their existence--are futile. Meanwhile, people have bought over three million copies of the Evangelion anime.

Gainax

(inj.) The sound effect made by breasts undulating in tight confinement. (see BREAST)

Guaff

(n.) Japanese for "Golf". At least the Japanese know how to dress.

Germany

(n.) An entire country of loud hypocritical swine whose women wear short dresses with petticoats, whose men grow facial hair, and who don't bathe properly. Although intelligent and good at organizing, the German people are completely untrustworthy. They will bite you on the head given half a chance. (see JAPAN; UNITED STATES OF AMERICA)

GEHIRN

(n.) German word for "brain". In Evangelion, though the soul and the nerves still live, the brain has been gotten rid of. This may not be so bad a thing, as cockroaches and chickens can live without brains, as long as some portion of the brainstem remains. Even people who listen to "gangsta" rap for extended periods of time have been able to survive though their brains have sloughed out of their skulls. In all fairness, once their value to science is through, cockroaches and chickens should be killed as humanely as possible.

God

(n.) Not, as widely conjectured, an ineffable entity at once beautiful and terrible, just and merciful; but an abandoned theater that can abruptly turn into a globe floating in midair. God is a fun place to have a party. You should only do the globe trick once, and while people are still holding their liquor. "God's in his heaven, all's right with the world": a separation of the spiritual and the material in a manner generally believed to be evocative of the Old Testament view of God. The proper toast when you've pulled off the globe trick and are waiting to serve the hors d'ouvres.

Happy

(n.) 1. A coat of thin fabric worn over the upper body during the summer months. Of Japanese origin (alt. happi). 2. A coat of shallow emotion worn over the mind during periods of forgetfulness. Of delusional origin (alt. stupid).

Heart

(n.) An organ, composed of its own unique kind of muscle tissue, responsible for the movement of blood throughout the body of most multicellular animals. Disturbences in the stomach's operation can produce a sensation in the chest called "heartburn", and for this reason the heart has often been seen as the center of human knowledge and emotion. "My Pure Heart For You"--contrast the title with the substance, and tell me that isn't an oxymoron in several ways.

Home

(n.) Where the heart is. Worry. (see HEART)

Howard, B.

(n.) See FLY ME TO THE MOON

I

(n.) The self. That which quickly realizes that nothing it can do is right, nothing it can want is acceptable, and not trying to get either results in having someone steal as much as they can from you.

Incest

(n.) Marital acts commited with close relatives, generally first cousins and those more closely related. "Inbreed" is the related verb. Every culture has regarded incest as taboo and unnatural, except for their royalty and other gods. (see GOD; PROGRESS) Sigmund Freud was the first person to claim that a desire for incest was a natural step in a person's intellectual maturity. Freud's thoughts on whether human flesh should be used to wean babies are not recorded. (see OEDIPUS)

Instrumentality

(n.) The quality of being instrumental, or the agency by which something is achieved. Instrumentality of Man--the means by which we cue the musical instruments to play the mind-blowing music. Note that Instrumentality of Woman, the agency by which one gets a woman to do something, has been going on for millenia without anyone raising a ruckus.

Japan

(n.) Quite the nicest place to live in the world, unless you're a foreigner. In which case, you will be accepted if you have money and are Chinese, or maybe American (Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, Mexico, France and Russia are considered synonymous with the United States). Even then, you will be constantly stared at and expected to maintain fastidious standards of cleanliness, such as slurping your noodles, picking your nose, copulating in public and bathing in the same bath that a lot of incontinent elderly people have been wallowing around in. Japan is a very safe place to live, unless you're a student and the victim of unmerciful bullying and ostracism, as well as badgering by your teachers. (see GERMANY; UNITED STATES OF AMERICA)

Kabbalah

(n.) Alt. 'cabala'. A system of interpreting the Torah formalized by rabbis approximately 2000 years ago, though in existence for much longer. Central to kabbalah is the transformation of every letter in the book into a corresponding number, then summing these numbers. From these sums, the scholar hopes to gain insight into the nature of God. This is undoubtedly the acme of work by a religion that believed that the value of pi was exactly 3.

Kill, to

(v.) To end the life of someone or something. Note that there is some intent implicit in the meaning of the verb. One can "die" for no reason, but to say that someone "was killed" implies a causal force. These forces are generally of two kinds: money or stupidity. (see LOVE)

LCL

(n.) Acronym for "Link Connect Liquid", a concoction of arcane origin that is used to protect Evangelion pilots, increase their synchronization, and still supply oxygen to their lungs. How it is removed from the pilot's lungs is never explained in adequate detail. LCL is believed to be related to primordial soup, the protein-rich fluid that computer salespeople and other bacteria ooched out of eons ago. Its homeostatic properties were discovered in a famous experiment called the "Miller Experiment", in which a certain NERV employee was infused with several liters of Miller Lite, introduced to Lillith, and given a nice hard shove. (see BEER; EVANGELION; LILLITH)

Lillith

(n.) 1. A bit player in the Vampire Savior videogame series. 2. -- Fair, a fairground tour of musical and other stage acts. It demonstrated to a largely female audience that women were just as capable as men at being manipulated by unscrupulous record company executives and promoters, as well as writing whiny songs that all sounded the same.

Love

(n., v.) Confusion; to be confused. It is safe to say that love is a kind of confusion, though certainly not the only kind. A person who is in love requires the well-being of another person for their own well-being. At the same time, love is not the same as drug dependence. Love, evidently, is cheaper. However, love is more difficult to find than drugs, in the sense that its occurence is less predictable. Where it is predictable, however, the quality is subject. One can always find decent drugs in a drug store, for instance, but trying to buy love in a love store may have unpleasant side effects, some of which necessitate a trip to the drug store. Further, this lexicographer has anecdotal reports of drugs being found in love stores, and love being found in drug stores.

Additional information on the nature of love can be gleaned from the tremendous number of popular music songs on the subject. Quite a number of the musicians take drugs, which muddies the waters further.

Material

(adj.) 1. Composed of matter. Hence, 2. tangible, restricted to the world as we know it. Scientists investigate the material, while they leave the spiritual untouched. Scientific exploration of the spiritual has had only the most disasterous consequences (see EVANGELION; GOD). Because material is a general term, a thing can have a lot of one kind of material and be deficient in another. "Gangsta" rap, for example, occupies quite a bit of _volume_ but lacks _substance_. (contrast with SPIRITUAL)

Merciless

(adj.) Cruel, or without mercy. Note that the two are not necessarially synonymous. Gary Marx has been without Mercy for a long time now, thanks to the efforts of Andrew Eldritch, and both have been equally cruel about it.

Mother

(n.) A mother gives birth to her children and spends the rest of her life trying to rectify this problem. Mothers often use such tricks as guilt, lies, fear and death to get their children behave. Letting yourself get eaten by a big scary monster is a new variation on this old theme, one with questionable utility. (see FATHER)

Nothing

(n.) Sorry to waste your time.

Oedipus

(n.) There once lived a man called Oedipus Rex. You may have heard about his odd complex. His name appears in Freud's index 'cause he looooved his mother. His rivals used to say quite a bit that as a monarch he was most unfit; but still in all, they had to admit that he looooved his mother. Yes, he loved his mother like no other: his daughter was his sister and his son was his brother. One thing on which you can depend is, he sure knew who a boy's best friend is! When he saw what he had done, he tore his eyes out, one by one--a tragic end to a loyal son who looooved his mother. So be sweet and kind to mother. Now and then, have a chat, buy her candy, or some flowers, or a brand new hat; but maybe you had better let it go at that, or you might find yourself with a quite complex complex, and you may end up like Oedipus Rex. (This lexacographer would rather marry a duck-billed platypus)

Omega

(n.) The end.

Penguin

(n.) One of twelve species of avian, characterized by flightlessness, stout bills and adaptations to a marine lifestyle. The penguin's "wing" is formed from the fusion of the carpals, metacarpals and phalanges. Short of massive interference during ontogeny, it would be impossible for a penguin to ever develop anything like fingers or claws. Then again, no penguin would ever actually seek out warm water or ramen.

Penis

(n.) Along with the testes, the primary male sexual characteristic. It forms during development from the action of male hormones. All subsequent behavior of the penis is due chiefly to female hormones. Many men undergo circumcision as infants in a ritual to establish their cleanliness and masculinity. This is another example of irony in human society, as femininity and feminine cleanliness depend on nothing getting torn off prematurely.

Power

(n., v.) Force expended over distance; hence, to provide force over a distance. The phrase "Oniiiiisama!!!" has power only if he actually moves from one place to another.

Prince

(v.) Past pluscamperfect of "prance".

Professor

(n.) An alternative translation of the Japanese honorific "sensei". Professors have post-baccalaureate degrees and virtually no common sense. Unlike a doctor, a professor is responsible for teaching in a classroom setting, not simply explaining the obvious or completely implausable at the end of the episode. Part of the problem with professors is that they are educators. (see DOCTOR; EDUCATE)

Prophecy

(n.) A revelation directly from God. Often accompanied by falling dark skinned people. The association between dropping things and prophecy is unexplained. The lexicographer merely notes that at times when the stock market has bee plummeting, large numbers of people have been seen praying, or even plummeting themselves. (see REVELATION)

Queensryche

(n.) Chris DeGarmo, Eddie Jackson, Scott Rockenfeld, Geoff Tate and Michael Wilton. The only decent thing ever to emerge from Bellevue, Washington.

Revelation

(n.) Something revealed, often by divine intervention; hence, something of great spiritual import. A view of the afterlife, communication with departed loved ones, getting a "gangsta" rap fan to turn down his music, etc.

Revolution

(n.) For a price, I'd do 'bout anything except pull the trigger--for that I'd need a pretty good cause. Then I heard of Dr. X, the man with the cure! Just watch the television, yeah, you'll see there's somethin' goin' on.

Got no love for politicians or that crazy scene in DC--it's just a power mad town. But the time is ripe for changes, there's a growing feeling that taking a chance on a new kind of vision is due.

I used to trust the media to tell me the truth, tell us the truth--but now I see the payoffs everywhere I look. Who do you trust when everyone's a crook? There's a revolution calling you, gotta make a change, gotta push it on through.

I'm tired of all this bullshit they keep selling me on TV 'bout a Communist plan, and all those shady preachers begging for my cash. Swiss bank accounts while giving their secretaries the slam. THEY'RE all in Penthouse now, or Playboy Magazine, million dollar stories to sell. I guess Warhol wasn't wrong, fame 15 minutes long--everyone's using everybody, making the sell.

I used to think that only America's way was right, but now the Holy Dollar rules everybody's lives--gotta make a million, doesn't matter who dies! There's a revolution calling you, gotta make a change, gotta push it on through.

Robot

(n.) Domo arigato!

Rose

(n.) A member of the Rosaceae group of flowering plants, characterized by a thorny stem and a perfect flower. Women and girls often adorn themselves with rose flowers and their extracts. This is presumably a kind of sympathetic activity, in hopes that their own vaginas become large, attractive and sweet-smelling. (see VAGINA)

School

(n.) An institution at which dry facts, dogma and busywork are flung at uncaring, apathetic pupils in the blind hope that some of it will sink in and inspire today's youth to forestall the collapse of civilization. There is a disturbing trend towards treating school as a kind of business. This trend is doomed to failure. No school has ever produced a kind of profit, or a product any buyer was interested in; and the employees are underpaid for their efforts.

Sperm

(n.) The second funniest word in the English language, next to vagina. Japanese males produce sperm by the quart, and its zesty flavor has endeared it to the palates of the women of that country. This is readily apparent in any hentai anime or manga. The most popular method of ingesting sperm is in coffee. Ask for the "ejaculatte" at your local cafe. (see VAGINA)

Spiritual

(adj.) Not of the material word; of the world of the inexplicable. Hence, immaterial. Any spiritualist can be readily dismissed as a charlatan by virtue of the name. The spiritual realm is the domain of priests, prophets and anyone able to suspend your disbelief and your credit rating. (contrast with MATERIAL)

Sword

(n.) A long, sharp metal flange with a guard and grip at one end. Used by closet homosexuals to assert their masculinity on one another; hence, "the gay blade". There are three classes of sword, including the epee, foil and saber. Of these, the epee is the dorkiest, and spends a lot of time sitting on a couch and whining about how unfair life is.

Synchronize

(v.) To adjust some kind of behavior so as to be in perfect rhythm with another thing. Only those children born after September 13, 2000 can synchronize with the Evangelion. This is testament to the global catastrophe known as "Merchandising". Other effects included the rise of sea level 60 meters, impossible avians and Anno Hideaki's challenge to Eddie Vedder for the title of "Most overly Angsty Artist Who Will Never Be Able to Live Up to His Image." (see PENGUIN)

Terror

(n.) I'm afraid I can't say.

United States of America

(n.) Like Germany, only more so. (see GERMANY; JAPAN)

Vagina

(n.) The second most complex organ in existence, save for the mouth of the sea urchin. The human vagina has been designed to--get this--allow a baby's head to pass through. Every day, millions of women across the face of the Earth decide that it is a really, really good idea to make preparations for babies to go squirting out of their vaginas. Although political and religious philosophers assert that this is a good and necessary thing, one must at some point or another debate the concept of conception.

Some authorities also assert that a vagina can be stimulated during sexual congress so as to produce one or multiple orgasms. This has never been verified in a laboratory setting. Any anthropologists or folklorists with reports of coital ecstacy are asked to contact this lexicographer with at least two peer-reviewed sources and accompanying line diagrams.

Lastly--and perhaps the ultimate proof of divine humor--the vagina is used as a conduit for urine. Anyone who finds the idea of a man's penis funny hasn't seen anything until they've seen a woman trying to make water in the great outdoors. (see PENIS)

Watermelon

(n.) The fruiting body of the watermelon plant, characterized by a green striped exterior that becomes white inside, and a pink seed-spangled interior. "Kai gwa"--a Chinese expression translating as "split the watermelon". A poetic description of the sexual act. Less than poetic in Japan, however, where the watermelon is split by a baseball bat or a seedy Thrustmaster joystick.

Xenopus

(n.) The generic name for the claw-footed frogs of Africa. As amphibians, they lay eggs in much the same fashion as birds, reptiles and Nanami.

You didn't really think I'd omit one letter, did you?

Yakusoku

(n.) Japanese word meaning "promise". Generally made between people rather than within an institution. Often, friends will signify the promise by shaking with their pinkie fingers. Presumably, if the promise is broken, so will be the finger. It is unusual to give a gift, such as a ring, to signify the intent of the promise. Attacking people with swords, taking custody of love slaves, and cross dressing are, of course, de riguer. (see LOVE; SWORD)

Zankoukuna Tenshi no Tesis

(phr.) The thesis of a cruel angel: that, when one's fans start trying to dictate your creative urges, you should fuck with their minds not once, but three times; all the while making as much profit from merchandising as you possibly can. This is the sort of madness that drives the Jung at heart to distraction.

Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku

(phr.) Higgledy piggledy, Miss Tenjou Utena walks up the staircase to hack up some kids; horny when Dios drops down from the castle, she knocks off the rose and regrets what she did.

by Hotwire
http://www.chainlightningstudios.com/

Hotwire continued the trend by interviewing fellow author, Strike Fiss.

VITAL INFORMATION
Name: Strike Fiss
Fics written: Sailor Moon: Alternate Reality, Seven Knights -- Evangelion: Shinji the Casanova, Higher Learning, Holding Hands -- Ramna 1/2: Mistletoe, Eggnog and Secrets
Webpage: http://www.studioshinnyo.com/
Email: strikef@bigfoot.com

Q: could you tell us about your callsign, for those unfamiliar with the tale?

Ahh yes, the infamous Fiss name. Well, it started when I was really young, grandfather would call me "Friss". Like many other nicknames in my family, it was eventually shortened. (The tale on how 'Hooze' got her name is even longer). The Strike part is from me and my buddy Maury playing an old copy of F-15E Strike Eagle too much and making up crazy call-signs. By the time I was publishing, it was far too late to turn back. :P I'm sure it will haunt me far into the future.

Q: when did you first start working on Alternate Reality?

Early 1990's. I don't have an exact date, as the published stuff was about the second or third draft...not even mentioning the current re-write-attempt that I'm still trying to get done. Also, a lot of the details for the Fiss character and a few other things were actually part of an old, never-to-be-published Samurai Pizza Cat fanfic.

Q: you've mentioned that you have been writing fanfiction before you knew what fanfiction was, what brought about the decision to post your stories?

At the time, there were two kinds of fanfiction. 1) Legendary, meaning the stuff that even now, many readers and authors aspire each story to be. This was a great inspiration, much in the same way an impressionable mind can watch Ninja Turtles and then decide to get into karate. Scary, but it sometimes can be used for good, instead of evil. And, #2 was the fact that most of the stuff of the time sucked. A LOT. And I knew, even though I hadn't done it before, that I could easily write better. So...holding my breath, I fired off AR 1 to the Luna and Artemis Archive, and awaited the response.

Q: did the Self Insertion aspect of AR turn off many early readers?

I imagine it did, though I suppose those people would never take the time to yell at me about it, so I'm not certain. However, the general comments I get are in the range of "I normally hate S.I., but this was actually okay..." or other forgiving comments like that. Luckily, I hit at a good time, when the whole fanfic thing was needing more stories, and by the time AR got popular, the Self Insertion stuff was nicely hidden behind a decent plot and a not-so-me character.

Q: any favourite flames?

Not many, believe it or not. Out of the several thousand emails, most only complain in passing about my spelling. ^_^ Or my grammar. Or whatever. However, the most passionate flames came from people who were determined to let me know that Tuxedo Mask was destined for Sailor Moon...not to Hooze. *laughs*

Q: why do you think so many Self Insertion fics fall flat, while Omoi has managed to not only retain, but collect a growing audience?

It's like any story...just Self Insertion gives the author too much power. Most think that their ultimate fantasy will make a wonderful novel. Absolute power corrupts abso...well, you get what I mean. The key is to remind yourself that you want to ADD to the story, not take over, kill all the bad-guys, and have sex with all the cute members of the opposite sex. Give the story a great plot, and make your character like any other character. Sometimes, I realize my characters have too much power...but it's always balanced, and I try to take it away when it's necessary. All my characters have just as many inner dragons to slay as the ones they use swords, fire, and flashy lights to slay outside their heads.

For example: A few people complained about the whole Angel thing, especially giving Fiss the powers. However, the only reason I did that was (okay, it was cool, and helps explain all them kooky Angel-Wings in anime) because Angels are not chock-full of limitless power. Some may think he's gotten more, spookier powers, but really, he's a little kid who has just been told he can't run around with his sword unchecked anymore. He's dangerous, he's the enemies of many, and he's not nearly the 'perfect good-guy' he thought he was in early AR. Despite how many times I might want to slice the bad-guy in half in real life, when I look back at the story, I love the way it turned out. You can still have plenty of fun, even within a REAL story. Woo! Spooky wings!

Q: several characters in Omoi are based on real people, how much input do they have on their avatars actions?

I usually give them 95% control in the 'character design' process. After all, it's them. They know them best. ^_^ However, depending on what I have planned...be it a cameo or someone like SkitZ who became a huge part...I usually have a set idea planned, and that extra 5% is all mine, baby! Whahaha! Friends and family, of course, can say the word, and I'll take out their names and modify the characters in a moment. I always check with the person if I plan on making any major changes...for example, Hooze getting pregnant in the story. She only had to say that it was crap, and it would have been vetoed. However, people I hate are stuck as my bitches. *grins*

Q: does it ever get confusing talking about the Strike Fiss in SM Omoi when he has the same first name as yourself?

Nope. Oddly enough. I think it's a bit spooky how well I deal with multiple personalities. However, the voices in my head say that it's perfectly natural. Hehe. Seriously, though, I'm sure it freaks out other people a lot more.

Q: at what point did you realize that AR was becoming a hit?

Two things, about at the same time. After a year, I looked back, saw my web page counter, and my old Inbox. That was quite a shock to me. The other thing was a young lady e-mailed me up, asking if she could use my stories in an English assignment. I figured I did something right. ^_^

Q: have you ever considered reworking the story and ideas behind Omoi for actual publication?

It would be much too difficult. Lots of copyrights stepped on, lots of characters that would probably not make it to the final cut, and, of course, the sheer volume of inside jokes and pop- culture references would drive me nuts if I had to edit them all out. ^_^ However, I do plan original fiction in the near future, and it will be based on the Omoi universe...just far enough into the future that it doesn't have these problems, and not so far ahead that it would be selling out and forsaking my early stuff. I love what has come of it so far, and I think I can use it to make a wonderful base to build on.

Q: how much flack have you gotten from hard core Otaku about using the English names for the Senshi?

Plenty, however, none so harsh as my own mind as I wince over the earlier stuff. ^_^

Q: is the switching of the outer scouts' names from the Japanese to the English names a permanent thing, or will they be switched back as the revised versions reach AR10?

I'm trying to switch them back as much as I can. Luckily, so far, it's been easy. Now that Sailor Moon is more of a cult-status thing instead of a show only a few kids watched on the weekend, my original reason for including the Americanized names is irrelevant. People know that Usagi is Sailor Moon, now.

Q: if someone actually had the free time to go back and switch all the Senshi's English names back to Japanese would you switch over permanently?

My wonderful girlfriend is helping with the final re-edit, but the biggest thing is that it would be no more hard than the general re-read and fix up. Just putting in "Usagi" where Word finds "Serena" will not fix the problem 100%. Hopefully, it will be put to rest in a very acceptable state. Even if all the names are not changed back, I want to at least do it for the Outer Scouts.

Q: the name of your webpage implies far reaching goals for Omoi; how long do you think the series will run?

The series, as a SM Fanfic, is planned out for two more 'series'. That means at least another 10 stories of larger size and better complexity. However, it may indeed double, doing another 20 stories to add to the archive. Time will tell.

Q: is Maury really afraid of Penguins IRL?

Yes...well, rather, he hates them. I honestly don't know why...the 'truck driving' dream was just made up, because he refuses to tell me why he hates them...and says he will only tell me on his deathbed. ^_^

Q: which of your Evangelion fics was written first?

Shinji the Casanova, of course. ^_^ Finished before I saw any Eva after the 3rd episode.

Q: Higher Learning was a rather long running fic, and in the Tako award speech you mentioned it had become tedious at times to write, did you ever consider giving up?

A few times. Despite what more...hard-core...fans may think, pestering the author about finishing a story will only cause him or her to take longer and possibly put a seed of doubt in their minds. Supporting an author and bugging the hell out of them are two very distinct things, and many people don't realize when they've crossed the line. However, luckily, I'm an evil bastard, and would not give up the chance to see everyone's faces as Higher Learning does scary things to their brains for all the tea in china. ^_^

Q: your Eva stories are pretty much focused on the relationship between Asuka and Shinji, have you ever considered a Rei/Shinji story?

Yes, however, I tend to have the PERSONAL OPINION (read: I'm not knocking anyone else's take on it) that if Rei and Shinji were to be intimate, it would be too much like incest for my liking. I may be a hentai, but I try to limit myself to the warm, gooey, and wonderful sides of perversion. *laughs* A more accurate reason, however, is explained in how I do not write many romance-scenes involving my sister, Hooze. I mean, I'm not one of those brothers that refuses to think of their sister as a perfectly capable female-entity, rather, I don't think it would be very tasteful for me to write her imaginary sex life. ^_^ Asuka and Shinji are decidedly NOT related, and it is easier to dive in and write about a relationship than it would be for the slightly awkward parts of a Shinji-Rei scene.

Q: out of all your stories, what was your favourite single scene or sequence of scenes to write?

Uhhh...mm....too many to think of, though I tried to narrow it down to a few. I might have better luck thinking of "Best battle" or "best drama" that kind of thing. One of the scenes that sticks out in my mind, however, is the scene in SK-7 where the Dave/Hooze/Rei team is trying to escape from the City of Fiss through the wall. The desperation and exhausting effort I tried to portray in the scene came out well. (though it might just be from my POV. ^_^)

Q: any favourite in-jokes you'd like to share?

My friends and I collect in-jokes like a giant, megawatt electromagnet. ^_^ However, I suppose old-school fans might enjoy the Artemis reference in SK-1, where Rei is helping Fiss out with not-being-stinky-and-scabby in the shower, gets in, and replies to his comment about her trying to seduce him with: "Oh come on, Chris..." Rei laughed. "I mean, it's not like you're a cat or anything."

Q: any plans for expanding your 'Shinji ain't a bitch' page?

Finishing it up is on the agenda, but actually getting to it is blocked by a huge ball of things to do. ^_^

Q: what was the early reaction to the 'go ahead, bitch... I dare you' manafissto like?

*grins like a Cheshire Cat* Perfect. A lot of people took it at face-value...and reacted with horror, shock, amazement, and a variety of other things that I still revel in sometimes. ^_^ I wanted to try to screw with people's heads, and it went wonderfully. I'm not really malicious like that...and I never pretended that it was true. However, it was nice to see that I could pull it off...and put an extra, hidden meaning in that month's Manifesto. "Don't believe everything you read..."

Q: when will we get to hear your rant on the depressing scarcity of Jolt Cola in the last year or so?

Oh, sorry about that. The Jolt-Cola shortage is caused by my house. ^_^ (I'm not kidding, either...the local suppliers can't keep up!)

Q: what are your top ten favorite fanfics?

Errr...uhm....Top Ten, eh? *thinks* It's been a while, but I'll see if I can give a few I still have as my top-picks. NO particular order, of course. I like all of these. Generally, these fics are not the best...brightest...most perfect out there. They are ones that changed the way I look at the series, life, or reality in general...hence why I love them so much. ^_^

X-FILES FANFICTION:
1) Dawson E. Rambo's "Pop tarts and Secrets", for teaching me that you can create anything you want...not just 'another story' when you write.

2) Dawson E. Rambo's "Sixty", for showing me the value of pain in a story...and opening my eyes to a world I have been, thusly, fortunate enough not to see in person yet.

3) Dawson E. Rambo's "In Vino Veratis", for showing me the value of Jack Daniels, and getting drunk. *laughs*

SAILOR MOON FANFICTION:
4) Troy "Silver" Stanton's "Sailor Moon V" series. The first really good attempt at a long SM fic I saw, and the inspiration I needed to write AR.

EVANGELION FANFICTION:
5) Lara Bartram and Ammadeau's "Role Playing", an enlightening look at the characters in Eva, especially across the generations, and hilarious to boot. ^_^

6) Lara Bartram and Ammadeau's "Snapshots", the pre-Eva history of Gendo and Yui...wonderful stuff. I'd say Higher Learning is basically inspired by this style and the style of...

7) Ranka's "The One I Love Is", of course, the main influence for my getting into Eva fiction. Not because it sucked, that's for damn sure. ^_^ Rather, I loved the way he re-worked the series without going overboard.

OTHER FANFICTION:
8) Ryan Mathews' "The Lovely Angels Forever", simply brilliant rendition of the Dirty Pair Universe. I can see Adam Warren's version, while it is my favorite, leaning quickly towards this fic if left unchecked. ^_^ Scary.

9) Ryan Mathews' "The Ballad of Lord Robin", another great story in the Dirty Pair world...closely followed on the heels by "Big Bang", but I felt that this story was a bit more refined, though I loved both. ^_^

10) This spot is open. ^_^ Any authors out there...Impress me!

Q: what kind of uberspooky Fiss-flavored goodness can we look forward to in the future?

Well, the next two years or so will be my proving ground. If I am to take to the pen as a professional, I will know by the end of this time...probably when Sailor Moon Omoi is done, and I have been able to do the rest of my Eva stuff.

As for hints, inside glimpses and the like? I will only say one thing:

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*runs around in a circle*

Hehehe. Just kidding. One word is too small of a thing to sum it up, but keep in mind the Omoi theme. I plan to touch on everything and anything. Bad, good, life, death. More dreams, and better nightmares. Eventually, I want to wage war on reality, but I must train first. ^_^ Therefore, I shall simply say that, if you like my stuff so far, I'm sure you'll at least not mind wasting the time to read my future bits.

-Strike Fiss, EOF.

Fan Art!

Gareas from Megami Kouhosei/Candidate for Goddess by Deanna

The solution to last month's Anime No-No's can be found here.

Cryptic Dub Lines

Last Month's Line:

I CAN'T DIE NOW!  I HAVE A DATE WITH TURKISH TWINS!

— SHINESMAN MOSS GREEN

Jungle de Ikou Fill-In

A print-friendly version of the puzzle can be found here.

3 LETTERS
MAI

4 LETTERS
AHEM
HORN
NAMI
ONGO
POOL
SEAL
WOOD

5 LETTERS
CHANT
DANCE
EARTH
MAGIC
RONGO
SPEAR
WATER
WHALE

6 LETTERS
FLOWER
JUNGLE
NANAMI
PERIOD
RIBBON
TAKUMA

7 LETTERS
HAWKEYE
MARAMBA
PANTIES
SPIRITS
STATUES

8 LETTERS
MACARENA
NECKLACE

9 LETTERS
NEW GUINEA

11 LETTERS
DESTRUCTION

Koji's Tale

by Jamie L. Word

"Birth Of A Warrior"

Planet Vegeta.

Inside a high-tech facility, two older Saiyans monitored the loud crying of a tiny Saiyan boy in a holding tank. The child was sitting up on his own and screaming at the top of his lungs, and the two older Saiyan men were amazed. One of them was an old, white-haired man, balding on top and with a bushy white beard, full and long. The other man was a bit younger, his hair not quite white nor balding but graying, and he was clean-shaven. One of them opened the tank up so that the child's crying would not be muffled by his containment, and they both recoiled from the volume of the baby's screams. The boy had the traditional wild, black hair all Saiyans are known for, and he had dark, intelligent eyes as he almost glared at his keepers with a look that made them nervous.

"My goodness, Hoshi!" the younger of the two men exclaimed as he winced and grimaced in an effort to endure the child's high-decibel tirade. "That's quite a loud baby!"

"That's Shuji's newborn son Koji," the older Saiyan replied as he too did his best to endure the child's wailing. "He was born just this morning, and he's already sitting up on his own! Those are the lungs of a mighty warrior-to-be! You'd best keep your eyes on this one! He'll be quite the fighter when he is older!"

"Shuji's son, eh?" the younger Saiyan responded as he took a more discerning glance at the crying boy for a few seconds before continuing. "Hmmm. I probably wouldn't doubt it. After all, Shuji is a cousin to King Vegeta as well as being one of the toughest of our elite warriors. He doesn't allow himself to be given easy jobs just because he's related to King Vegeta. He demands the toughest assignments and delivers with the smallest team. I don't see how he does it and lives. His wife Echiko is quite a fighter in her own right, I understand."

"Yes, she is," the older Saiyan declared, stroking his great white beard with his hand as he closed the child's holding tank. "She's a member of Shuji's team. That's where they first met, and that's why they're married now. This boy's going to be a great warrior with the genes of two great fighters like his parents coming together to give birth to him!"

A door across the room slid open, and the sound of that happening drew the attention of the two keepers. Coming through the door was a tall, attractive Saiyan woman, wearing a loose-fitting gown. Her long, black locks hung down over her shoulders, braided like an Earth Viking's. Her face was beaming with pride as she approached the place where the baby was crying. Her stride was steady and controlled, and she carried herself with grace and poise, just a hint of her fighting prowess showing.

"Echiko!" the younger of the two keepers remarked with some concern as he noted the young woman's approach. "You just gave birth to your son just four hours ago! You should be in bed resting!"

"Nonsense!" she gently rebuked as she came to a stop in front of her son's holding tank. "My son calls out for his mother, so I am here."

Echiko opened the tank, and the boy turned his attention to his mother, still crying but now reaching up for her.

"Echiko!" the older man responded with concern. "Be careful that the child doesn't hurt you! He's quite powerful - even at his age!"

"Hush, little Koji," she said in a calm but stern voice, not answering the child's gestured desire to be held. "You will be a mighty warrior when you get older. I've seen the reports on you, my son. You have great power already, and you will only grow stronger over time. Forgive me for not smothering you with affection and physical contact. You must be properly molded into the mighty warrior you will become. If we cater to your cries and overindulge in our affections for you, you will grow soft and lazy. What we must do, we do for your own good."

With those words said, she closed the holding tank again and turned her back on the child, thoroughly confusing him. A tear streamed down Echiko's face as she walked away, brought on by Koji's renewed crying at the sight of his mother walking away from him.

Planet Avia.

The sounds and fury of battle covered the landscape in the dark of night! Giant apes with tails, dressed in battle armor, were laying waste to their enemies under the full moon! These giant apes smashed buildings with their bludgeoning fists and fired energy blasts from their mouths at their enemies as they scattered in the streets below them! Their enemies were humanoid in shape and approximately human-sized, but they possessed physical characteristics of avian life forms!

The bird-like humanoids responded to their attackers by vainly firing energy blasts back at the Saiyans in their Oozaru (giant ape) forms! Some of the bird-like people flew into the air to circle the Saiyan's and pepper them with energy attacks from above! They fought hard and valliantly, but the giant were-ape forms of the Saiyans were just too tough for them to cause harm to!

The horrible realization of the inevitability of their demise slowly began weighing down on their spirits as they soon recognized the futility of their resistance! The power of the Saiyans was too great for them to stand against, but this was their home, and they would not be chased from their homes, hounded across the planet, and eradicated like petty insects or vermin! This was their only stand, and they steeled their resolve despite the growing nauseous feeling in the pits of their stomachs! They knew the score, but they were not about to give up without a fight!

The fighting continued through the night and almost until the dawn of the new morning. When the new day arrived and the sun rose in the morning sky, the civilization was utterly destroyed. All of the buildings were demolished, and the rubble of the ruins filled the streets along with the corpses of the vallient defenders. The destruction was more like the end result of a nuclear strike rather than an assault from a few fighters comprising an elite battle team. Not far from the devastation was a small makeshift camp, and the four Saiyans, dressed like the giant apes who ravaged the city and once more in their normal forms, relaxed and enjoyed a meal. They all had scouters on their faces now.

There was one great hulking brute of a man with a small patch of black hair on top of his head and a thick goatee on his battle-scarred face. His attire consisted of a sleeveless tunic covered with an armored chestpiece, biker-length shorts, boots, and thick metal wristbands.

There was a young female fighter with shoulder-length black hair tied in a braided ponytail, and she would be quite pretty if it wasn't for the fact that she was adorned with dirt and soot and bore a few battle scars of her own. Her outfit consisted of a more feminine version of the hulking brute's outfit, with bracelets instead of wristbands and a bandana tied in her hair like a ribbon to waft in the wind.

One of the remaining two was a "pretty boy" with a clean-shaven, handsome face, his black hair groomed as well as it could be considering his circumstances. He was significantly smaller than the first male, and his attire was similar with the exception of having long skintight pantalons instead of biker-length shorts and leather fingerless gloves that reached all the way up to his elbows instead of wristbands like his brutish teammate.

The final member of the four-Saiyan team was a ruggedly handsome man with wild black hair and a good many battle scars of his own, and his attire was a long-sleeved tunic, long skintight pantalons, the same sort of boots that the others wore, white gloves on his hands instead of wristbands or the like, and a majestic cape wafting in the wind.

The caped fighter stood in their midst, one foot on a rock and one arm propped up on his knee as he ate his food with the other hand. The "pretty boy" fighter sat on the ground leaning back against a tree broken, snapped down by force, eating his food. The mammoth bruiser sat cross-legged nearby, completely focused on eating his food, and even the act of eating seemed to more resemble the style of some sort of bear-like animal than a big man. The female fighter leaned back against another broken tree and only managed to eat a bit more refinedly than her male companions.

"Hey, Shuji!" the lone female of the group called out to the fighter wearing the cape, getting his partial attention as he was still at least half-consumed with his passion for the meal he was eating.

"What is it, Akemi?" the somewhat focused and grim warrior inquired almost impatiently but not quite rudely.

"So, how's the kid doing?" she asked curiously. "Have you named it yet, and when is Echiko going to be back? I can't talk about female things with you three!"

"The child is doing well," Shuji answered with a slight grin of amusement on his face, resisting the urge to chuckle for a few moments. "It's a boy, and his name is Koji. Echiko will be returning to the fold soon, then you can talk about ... female things."

The three males chuckled almost in unison at the last comment, and Akemi just smiled as she shook her head at their teasing.

"So, Haruki," the least scarred of the three males addressed the huge warrior. "I wonder where we'll be sent to next?"

"Don't matter," the brute answered, not even lifting his head up from his eating to make eye contact with his teammates. "We'll smash the place, kick the weaklin' geeks who live there into the next dimension, 'n' make a bundle as usual. Don't sweat it, pretty boy. I'll be there to keep ya safe just like I always do!"

"Hey, I can handle myself, Haruki," the teased fighter retorted with a grin at his hulking friend. "It's just that it's hard to enjoy any sort of a social life if you never get a break from the work."

"Haruki is only interested in battle and feeding," Shuji interjected, getting the other fighter's attention. "I can understand your longing for a little relaxing and socializing though, Hamada. The lure of pleasure can be strong - even for a warrior such as myself. Between being with my wife and the hereditary love of battle we Saiyans are filled with, it is almost a maddening effort to balance both aspects of my life to my liking."

Shuji allowed a subtle smile to cross his lips before he looked off into the distance as if in deep thought. As the giant Haruki maintained his absolute focus on eating, having never looked up once from his feeding to make eye contact with anyone or look at anything else but his food, Hamada and Akemi looked at Shuji and then at each other before smiling pleasantly.

"Now hurry up and finish your food," Shuji spoke almost solemnly, marking the moment with his authoritative demeanor. "We've wasted enough time on this dump of a planet."

Shuji discarded the nonedible remains of his food with indifference and disinterest before walking a distance away from his team. Haruki continued with his feeding, maintaining the same level of focus as before. Hamada and Akemi watched Shuji walk off for a time, and then they once more looked into each other's eyes and smiled almost knowingly. With his back to his team, Shuji stared off into the sky, his eyes reflective of his wandering thoughts of Echiko and his newborn son, the son who's birth he was unable to witness for having to subdue another planet.